Hey there! So last spring I made probably the worst DIY decision of my life – painting my kitchen what I thought was going to be a sophisticated sage green. Spoiler alert: it ended up looking like baby food that went bad (ugh). My husband Jake walked in, took one look, and just said “…interesting” which is basically husband code for “what the hell happened here?”
After spending $267.83 at Sherwin-Williams (and three separate trips because I kept getting the wrong finish – who knew there were so many types of paint?!), I finally admitted defeat. My Golden Retriever Cooper walked into the kitchen, took one look, and walked right back out. Even my dog has better taste than me, apparently lol.
So here I am, after spending way too many hours on Pinterest and making approximately 47 trips to Home Depot (shoutout to Dave in the paint department who probably knows my life story by now), I’ve finally figured out how to not make your kitchen look like a crime scene. And since I’ve already wasted my time and money, might as well help you avoid my mistakes.
Quick heads up – this is gonna be a long one, and I’ll probably go off on some tangents. But stick with me, I promise it’ll be worth it (or at least more entertaining than watching paint dry, which I’ve become an expert at).
1. The “I Live Here” White
You know those all-white kitchens you see on Instagram? Yeah, tried that. Lasted exactly 3 days before my coffee maker had other ideas. Went with Benjamin Moore’s “Cloud White” ($45.99/gallon) which has just enough warmth to hide the fact that I’m a disaster with marinara sauce. Bonus: it actually pairs really well with my collection of random coffee mugs that my mother-in-law keeps gifting me (seriously, how many mugs does one person need?).
2. The “Not Your Grandmother’s” Sage Green
After my first disaster (see intro – yikes), I finally found the right shade at Valspar (Summer Cottage, $32.97). Pro tip: test it BEFORE painting the whole damn kitchen. Ask me how I know. This shade is actually gorgeous with brass hardware – who knew? Just make sure you get the undertones right, or you’ll end up with what my sister lovingly called “hospital waiting room chic.”
3. Navy Blue That Doesn’t Look Like a Sailor’s Locker
Spent $52.84 at Farrow & Ball for “Hague Blue” after seeing it on literally every home renovation show ever. NGL, it was worth every penny. Just don’t do what I did and try to paint while watching The Bachelor – ended up with more paint on my yoga pants than the walls.
4. Creamy Yellow That’s Actually Grown-Up
Remember that yellow kitchen from Friends? Yeah, NOT that. Found this amazing shade called “Butter Cookie” at Behr ($29.98) that somehow makes my sad excuse for a kitchen window look like it’s actually letting in sunlight. My mom said it reminded her of her kitchen from ’82, but like, in a good way?
5. The “I’m Sophisticated Now” Gray
Okay, so everyone’s doing gray these days (thanks, HGTV), but hear me out. Sherwin-Williams “Repose Gray” ($47.99) is like the little black dress of kitchen colors. It went on during a massive thunderstorm while my basement was flooding (fun times), but even in that chaos, it looked amazing.
6. Deep Green That Doesn’t Scream “Forest Cabin”
Benjamin Moore’s “Hunter Green” ($49.99) made me feel like I finally had my life together. Until Cooper decided to shake off right next to the wet paint. Pro tip: dog hair does NOT create an interesting texture effect.
7. The Actually-Works-With-Everything Greige
Found this gem at Sherwin-Williams called “Agreeable Gray” ($45.99). It’s like the Switzerland of paint colors – gets along with everything. Even my mother-in-law approved, which is basically a miracle (still getting those mugs though).
8. Warm Terracotta That’s Not Stuck in the 90s
PPG’s “Copper Kettle” ($38.99) took three tries to get right (RIP my Saturday plans for like, a month), but now my kitchen looks like a Tuscan villa. Or at least what I imagine a Tuscan villa looks like based on my Pinterest board.
9. Modern Black That Won’t Depress You
Went bold with Behr’s “Limousine Leather” ($31.97) on one wall and honestly? It’s giving the main character energy. Just had to convince Jake that we weren’t turning our kitchen into a bat cave (his words, not mine).
10. Blush Pink That Doesn’t Look Like Pepto-Bismol
Benjamin Moore’s “First Light” ($46.99) is apparently the new neutral. Took some convincing (and maybe a little wine) to get Jake on board, but now he’s calling it “sophisticated millennial” which I’m taking as a win.
11. Moody Blue-Gray for Drama Queens
Farrow & Ball’s “De Nimes” ($54.99) made me feel fancy AF, even while eating leftover pizza straight from the fridge at midnight. Worth every penny of my tax return (sorry, Dave Ramsey).
12. Olive Green That’s Actually Fresh
Valspar’s “Olive Grove” ($33.98) gives me major Mediterranean vibes, which almost makes up for canceling our vacation to pay for new appliances (thanks, broken fridge).
13. Warm Taupe That’s Not Boring
Who knew taupe could be exciting? Sherwin-Williams “Accessible Beige” ($47.99) is like the perfect pair of jeans – goes with everything and makes you look good even on bad days.
14. Cool Mint That Doesn’t Look Like Toothpaste
Found this gorgeous shade at Benjamin Moore called “Healing Aloe” ($48.99). It’s giving spa vibes, which I desperately need since my “meditation corner” is currently just where I hide to eat cookies in peace.
15. Rich Burgundy That’s Not Your Dad’s Library
Behr’s “Red Wine” ($32.99) sounds intimidating but trust me – it’s like a good cabernet, it gets better with time. Unlike my cooking skills.
16. Coastal Blue Without the Seashell Border
PPG’s “Sea Salt” ($39.99) makes me feel like I’m on vacation, even when I’m just washing dishes for the millionth time. No actual beach is required.
17. Warm Mushroom That’s Actually Modern
Farrow & Ball’s “London Clay” ($54.99) is like the color equivalent of a cozy sweater. Perfect for hiding those tomato sauce splatters (I really need to learn to use a lid when cooking).
18. The New Neutral Beige
Benjamin Moore’s “Manchester Tan” ($45.99) is what I imagine adulting looks like. It even survived Thanksgiving dinner prep, which is saying something.
19. Slate Blue That’s Not Depressing
Valspar’s “Steel Blue” ($34.99) looks different every time the light changes, kind of like my mood during renovation projects (jk… sort of).
20. Warm White That Actually Works
Sherwin-Williams “Alabaster” ($47.99) is like the perfect Instagram filter but in real life. Makes even my yard sale finds look expensive.
21. Rich Clay That Feels Current
PPG’s “Nutmeg” ($41.99) was honestly a wild card choice after seeing it at my friend Sarah’s house (you know, the one who actually has her life together), but it somehow works.
So there you have it – my journey through the paint color rainbow, several mental breakdowns, and way too many trips to Home Depot later. Is my kitchen perfect? Hell no. But at least it no longer looks like a Pinterest fail, and Cooper actually hangs out in there now (mostly because that’s where the treats are, but I’ll take it).