Hey friends! So last December, I made what my husband Tom likes to call my “Joanna Gaines spiral” after binge-watching way too much HGTV during a nasty bout of flu. Three months, $1,247.83, and countless Facebook Marketplace adventures later (including one very sketchy meetup in a Walmart parking lot for a “genuine” vintage milk jug), I’ve finally figured out how to do farmhouse decor without selling a kidney.
Quick backstory: I live in a 1990s suburban home that had all the charm of a dentist’s office (no offense to dentists). My golden retriever Bella actually barked at our chrome and glass coffee table, so you KNOW it was bad. After my mother-in-law’s third comment about our house looking “very… modern” (translation: soulless), I decided enough was enough.
Fair warning: this post is gonna be long, and I might go off on some tangents about my adventures in antiquing (like that time I got into a bidding war with an 80-year-old lady over a rusty watering can – sorry, Betty!). But I promise it’ll be worth it.
1. The Great Shiplap Adventure
Remember when everyone was slapping shiplaps on everything? Yeah, me too. Instead of going full-wall (learned that lesson at my friend Sarah’s house – oof), I found these peel-and-stick panels at Home Depot ($67.99/box). Pro tip: don’t try to install these while your spouse is watching sports. My crooked first attempt is hidden behind the fridge, and no, we don’t talk about it.
2. Mason Jar Everything (But Make It Make Sense)
Listen, I know mason jars are basically a farmhouse cliché at this point, but hear me out. Found a box of vintage Ball jars at an estate sale for $24 (after haggling with this sweet grandma who definitely let me win), turned them into pendant lights over my kitchen island. Only electrocuted myself once during installation!
3. The Infamous Sliding Barn Door
Y’all, this one’s a journey. Found an actual barn door at a salvage yard ($175) that definitely had some… authentic barn smells. Three rounds of cleaning, one tetanus shot scare, and many cursed words later, it’s now hiding my laundry room and only occasionally jumps the track (usually when we have company, because of course).
4. Vintage Farm Signs That Don’t Scream “Live Laugh Love”
I found this amazing rustic “Fresh Eggs” sign at a flea market ($45). Plot twist: we don’t have chickens, but it looks cute above the stove. My dad keeps asking when we’re getting the hens. Not happening, Dad.
5. The Great Wooden Ladder Experiment
Scored an old orchard ladder for $35 from this sweet older couple in the country. Currently using it as a blanket holder, though it spent two weeks in the garage for “decontamination” after Bella found a suspicious nest in it.
6. Antique Window Frames (Without the Draft)
I got these gorgeous old windows from a demolition site (with permission!) for free.99. Cleaned them up, added mirrors ($87.42 at Lowe’s), and now they’re wall art that makes our tiny living room look bigger. Just don’t ask about the lead paint testing phase…
7. The Whitewashed Brick Saga
Okay, so our fireplace was giving major 1992 vibes. Three YouTube tutorials and two paint samples later ($52.99 at Sherwin-Williams), I finally got that perfect not-too-white, not-too-brick look. Only had one minor panic attack during the process!
8. Galvanized Metal Everything
I found these old milk cans at an actual farm auction ($65 each). The auctioneer laughed at my “city girl” bidding style, but who’s laughing now? They make perfect umbrella stands! Though I did have to thoroughly clean out what I hope was just old milk residue…
9. The Wire Basket Collection
Started with one vintage egg basket ($28 at an antique store), ended up with twelve. They’re everywhere now – holding throw blankets, magazines, Bella’s toys. Tom says we’re one basket away from being featured on Hoarders, but I say it’s called a “collection.”
10. Reclaimed Wood Shelves
Found some barn wood at a local salvage yard ($95 for enough to make three shelves). Only got two splinters and one lecture about tetanus from my doctor friend. Worth it for that authentic weathered look!
11. Vintage Kitchen Scale
Facebook Marketplace find for $42! It doesn’t work, but it looks amazing holding fruit that we definitely eat before it goes bad (narrator: they don’t).
12. The Great Grain Sack Pillow Project
Bought authentic grain sacks from Etsy ($38 each, don’t judge). Turned them into pillows that everyone’s afraid to actually use because they look “too nice.” Success?
13. Old Wooden Crates
Hit the jackpot at an estate sale – $15 each for real apple crates from the 1950s. Currently using them as end tables and not storing actual apples in them (learned that lesson the hard way).
14. Antique Rolling Pins
Started collecting vintage rolling pins ($8-25 each) to display in the kitchen. My mother-in-law now thinks I actually bake. The pressure is real, y’all.
15. The Famous Farmhouse Sink
This was the splurge – $445 for a genuine farmhouse sink. Installation only took three trips to Home Depot, two plumber visits, and one marriage counseling session. But look how pretty!
16. Vintage Copper Pots
Found a set at a garage sale ($75) that needed… let’s call it “love.” Three days of polishing and my arms nearly fell off, but now they’re gleaming on that pot rack I needed.
17. The Butter Churn Incident
$55 at an antique store for what I thought was a butter churn. Turns out it might be something else entirely (still waiting on my antiques expert friend to get back to me on that one). Currently using it as a really expensive umbrella stand.
18. Antique Farm Tools as Wall Art
Mounted some old farm tools on the wall ($12-30 each from various flea markets). Had to convince Tom they were securely installed after one fell during dinner (no injuries, just wounded pride).
19. Vintage Kitchen Cabinet Hardware
Replaced all our boring handles with vintage-style brass pulls ($3.99 each × 32 = more math than I want to do). Only ordered the wrong size twice!
20. The Statement Piece Hutch
Found this beautiful old hutch on Craigslist ($225). Getting it home involved borrowing a truck, bribing three friends with pizza, and one very close call with our doorframe. Now it’s perfect for displaying all my other farmhouse finds!